Today I was chatting with a long time friend. Not that long, she went to massage therapy school with me. Last year when we lost Clementine she was there. Thank you to all that were.

Clementine would be six months this month. Our lives are very different. I don't think I would be working, I would have three wonderful kids. I miss her, I didn't need to spend so much time with her to know that I love her unconditionally. I saw her and she was ours. She belonged to us even if it was only for 41 minutes. I sometimes imagine she would look like Kai. I wonder if she would have blond or black hair, if she would have my nose. I wonder what her personality would be like. Would she be chubby like Aniseth was as a baby? Would she be crawling by now? I can only wonder for now, hopefully I will know all these things someday. I know I will see her but living right now with out her is hard. I try not to think about it b/c it's painful. I function pretty well this way and as I write all these things down tears roll down my eyes. I wish I could just hold her and never let go.

I don' think I will ever recover.